FRIENDLY COMPETITION
My entry for the Shackin' Up Secret Santa 2004.From the time they first met (just outside the barrier to Platform Nine-and-Three-Quarters on a bright September day in 1971), James Potter and Sirius Black had competed with each other.
They raced each other onto the platform that first day, then tried to see who could make the most trouble before being caught, and then to see who could win top of the year in the most subjects.
(James, James, Sirius, for those keeping score at home.)
Very quickly they learned that while individually they could do things very well and very fast, when they worked together they could leave the rest of the school in their sparkling dust that caused uncontrollable phlegm-spitting for four solid hours. Then they simply competed for the best idea to unleash upon the poor, unwitting population of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
It usually fell upon Remus Lupin to try and minimize the damage (really, no one expected him to be able to stop them completely). Headmaster Dumbledore thought, quite logically, that making Remus a Prefect in their fifth year would empower him further in the squelching of Fiendish Marauder Plots.
Unfortunately, rather like Communism, the Prefect Advantage works better in theory than in application.
Sirius won the competition to lose his virginity (1975, Aislin McDougall, Greenhouse Four), but James won the competition to get a lifelong commitment out of someone (engaged July 1978, married September 1978). Remus liked to think that he won the competition for most satisfying sex, but he was never bold enough to state it and provide evidence. Plus, he reckoned Sirius's ego might actually explode if Remus made such a boast.
James technically won the race to the altar, but Sirius had protested that on the grounds that for all of its supposed improvements on Muggle lifestyle, when it came to homosexual marriage the wizard world was right down in the Muggle-filled trenches. In any other condition James might have granted this point and relinquished his title and extolled the virtues of not having the legal ball and chain to weigh a bloke down, but James was at the time being quietly fondled by his new wife under the tablecloth, and wasn't in the proper mindset to consider himself anything less than the Ultimate Winner of Life.
Sirius won the undesirable but necessary title of being the first of their group to kill a Death Eater. He never celebrated that victory, since Regulus was a witness to the fight and shortly thereafter announced his intentions to fight on Voldemort's side.
(Remus won the Sickle-toss and accompanied Sirius to the pub that night and didn't say a word when Sirius slipped away to snog a random Muggle bird in the men's room. Remus's Obliviate the next morning won over Sirius's memory.)
The race to the Great Beyond was shorter than any of them expected, and Remus to his own dying day isn't sure who won that.
But by far the most amusing, horrifying, and intense competition occurred in during the Christmas of 1978, at the Evans family's cabin, which was located on a wonderfully private plot of land in northern Wales's Snowdonia National Park. All of the rolls of wizarding photographic film that had been brought for Lily and Remus to take pictures and make collages and secretly spy on neighbors for the Order was used up in one night because of this competition.
This was not the expected sort of competition of seeing who could chop down a Christmas tree the fastest, though such a sport did indeed occur, emerging with James as the victor by only a couple chops.
No, the backs of all these photos, inscribed magically at the moment of picture-taking, read: The Very Friendly Competition of Potters vs. Canines in the Fight Against . . . MISTLETOE!
Remus was quietly paging through a very old edition of A Christmas Carol he'd found in the Evanses' bookcase when Sirius raced into the room and grabbed Remus's feet, pulling him quite ungracefully out of the chair and onto the floor.
"What're you doing you prat?" Remus said, standing up and rubbing his tender, floor-beaten backside.
"We've been challenged," Sirius said. The word 'challenge' was infused with a deep and powerful vibe, which clearly indicated that this is not a challenge that could be refused by anyone who dared to call himself A Man.
This inflection had the immediate effect of causing Remus to wince, for he knew far too well the possible disastrous results of such a challenge. "I don't want any part of this, Padfoot . . ." he said, stepping away from the manic-eyed boy who possessed great powers of peer pressuring.
"But you have to, Moony!" Sirius whined. "I can't very well rise to a mistletoe challenge by myself! I mean, not in public anyway. What I get up to on my own time when you're working a late shift is my own business and it would probably bore you to death anyway . . ."
Remus felt his eyebrows twitch, then draw together and cling to each other in fright. "Mistletoe? Good God, Sirius, what are you and James up to? And does Lily know?"
Pleased enough that his good mate Moony hadn't simply rolled his eyes and scurried away to another room (like Wormtail would have done, had he been present in the cabin and the object of Sirius's Quest for a Mistletoe Challenge Partner, which never would have happened, as Wormtail would only ever bugger James, certainly not Sirius, if he must bugger anyone at all), Sirius began to describe what The Mistletoe Challenge involved.
Two couples at the very least were required to enter into The Mistletoe Challenge willingly and without reservation at giving any witnesses a show. A large quantity of Merlin's Magical Mistletoe (Morgana's would work, too, in a pinch, though never as well) would be within reach.
The first couple (chosen via terms to be decided at the outset) would stand under a single sprig and try to hold back from kissing as long as they possibly could. If the couple can withstand the magical properties that encourage snogging, then the mistletoe will wither and fall, and the couple will pass to the next round. Each round brings extra sprigs of mistletoe.
The first couple to surrender and kiss (or, should the Challenge last long enough, attack each other with unbearably carnal lust) was the loser.
(Or, some former losers had argued, the winner.)
As Sirius finished this explanation, Remus watched for any tell-tale signs of exaggeration, hoping that his friend was having him on, and that he really wasn't suggesting a bit of competitive exhibitionism.
But, of course, Sirius was suggesting precisely that.
Mistletoe, as suggested, has quite an effect on wizards. It is very difficult for a wizard or witch to resist the pull of the plant. However, Muggles are far less affected by mistletoe. They feel enough to create a tradition around it, to have those standing beneath kissed by the first who spies them. So while they find it a bit thrilling to hang mistletoe all over a home, especially one belonging to a couple deeply in love, it does not work so for wizards. Wizards use it sparingly, and take a concerted effort to avoid stepping underneath its leaves when anyone less than ideal is in the same vicinity. The magic in the plant is more potent when the couple beneath it is desperately in love.
Lily was a witch, though she did not know this until she was eleven years old. She grew up in a Muggle home, and one that was quite filled with mistletoe every holiday season. She'd always felt a strange pull from those supposedly innocent decorations, but she fought it, since no one else exhibited strong reactions.
When James dragged Lily underneath the first sprig of Merlin's Magical Mistletoe, he felt the effect immediately, and was quite surprised at how much effort he had to put into resisting it. Even more surprising, though, was how little effort Lily seemed to be exerting. But it wasn't her fault she'd been resisting this pull ever since she was a young girl.
Their first attempt ended successfully, though James was a bit out of breath as Lily tugged him away and Remus and Sirius took their places. The two young men fought it better than James, but still were impressed by Lily's performance.
For nearly a full hour the two couples competed, adding sprigs at an exponential rate: first one, then two, then four, then eight. As the sky grew dark, the Mistletoe Sprigs grew into Mistletoe Bunches, and then into ever-lengthening Mistletoe Garlands. Lily's camera captured highlights from each round, immortalizing all of the strange faces and positions taken to fight their leafed enemy.
And they grew weaker, less capable of resisting the Will of the Mistletoe. It whispered ideas of sweet nothings into their minds, making them wonder why they were resisting in the first place.
In the end, it was Sirius who lost control, releasing a groan of frustration and grabbing Remus by the shoulders and the back of his head, pulling his partner close and crushing their mouths together. Knowing all was lost and the game was over, Remus melted into the soul-searing kiss and threw his arms around Sirius, wanting not even a molecule's width of space to separate them. With a grunt he found himself pushed back against the wall, and Sirius's thigh sneaking between Remus's own legs, and before he could even consider the audience that was now watching with a mixed reaction of embarrassment and fascination, Remus was grinding into Sirius's thigh, hungry for more.
Both James and Lily had known for years about their friends' physical relationship, but Remus was a private sort who wasn't one for public displays of affection, and he seemed to define public as any room with a third person in it. To see this passion right in front of them brought a warm flush to the newlyweds' cheeks. When their friends slumped to the floor and began working at buttons and flies, obviously not about to stop for anyone who may be watching, James decided it was high time to get himself in a similar position with his wife. Clutching her hand, he backed them out and into their bedroom.
Hours later, as the clock softly chimed midnight and the beginning of Christmas Day, Remus stirred to pull at the rug that was serving as a blanket, and to sleepily gaze at his lover. They were still entangled in their garland of mistletoe, and it itched a bit over Remus's naked backside, but he was otherwise far too comfortable to make any change.
As he drifted back to sleep, he didn't hear the soft pops or see the quick flashes of Lily's camera.
The next morning, the couples used the bag of mistletoe and all of the collectively-known photos to stoke the world's most romantic Yule log. The incident was never spoken of again.
But some pictures survived, lying in wait, eager to bring forth warm memories to a lonely man on a cold Christmas, almost thirty years later.
That year, Remus knew he'd won the competition for the most memorable life, and he was simply glad to remember and share it with his family of friends.
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