PERFECT IMPERFECTION
In response to this challenge at SBRL Glovesmack, using the first line "What do you mean, you love her?" and references to a birthday, Julius Caesar, and gobstones. Thanks to Tryptofan for the good hard beta that feels so good, and to Mo for randomly coming up with a non-sucky title ;)"What do you mean, you love her?"
James sighed, throwing himself back into his pillows in anguish. "I mean just that. I love her."
Sirius frowned. This wasn't on at all. Remus and Peter were staring at James as much as he was, but they didn't look as disturbed as Sirius felt. "Look, mate, you're how old? People don't fall in love at seventeen, it just . . . no . . ."
Now it was James's turn to frown. "Well that's bollocks! Look, I didn't set out for this, right? I've had this crush on her since I was fourteen, and for a while there I only kept up the chase because, well, it's all I knew how to do. But a month of being Heads together and I realize that she's perfect. Absolutely perfect, and she hates my guts and I can't imagine a more perfect indication of someone's perfection than hating me. I mean, look at you lot, you all say you like me, and you're all completely imperfect!"
"So you've got a mad crush," Sirius argued. "That doesn't make it love. You can't love someone if you've never even really gotten to know them."
"Sure you can."
Sirius quickly turned his head, looking at Remus whose head was down, seemingly too shy to make eye contact with his friends. "Et tu, Brute? Don't tell me you're desperately in love, too!" His words were brash and sarcastic, but inside, Sirius felt his heart clench at the idea of Remus being in love.
Remus took a deep breath. "I don't reckon it happens too often, but I do believe people can fall in love from afar. Probably the worst way, but the heart doesn't consult the brain over this stuff."
"It's bloody horrible," James agreed, tossing his arm across his eyes. "I've no idea how to act around her anymore. I'm scared of acting like a prat, of turning her off more than she already is. I'm . . . she could break my heart." His voice was barely a whisper.
No one knew just how to respond to that confession. They were, after all, emotionally repressed blokes. After a moment, Peter finally broke the silence. "Look, it's Lily's birthday. I think there might be an opportunity for you to not be a prat, Prongs. And if you don't make a showing, someone else might, right?"
James sat up, nodding. "Right. I'm not going to be a prat." He groaned. "Bollocks, I don't have a present for her! That'd be a right good impression – ‘Hello Lil, I'd love to be your boyfriend, though I've already forgotten your birthday!' Huge selling point, truly. . . ."
Peter's eyes lit up. "I heard her telling a Hufflepuff girl in our Charms class that she'd lost her Gobstones over the holiday. Maybe you could run into Hogsmeade before the party starts?"
"Yes! Good man, Pete! You're coming with me then, right?"
"Er . . . yes? I suppose . . ." He sounded unsure, but Sirius knew the boy was turning cartwheels on the inside.
"Well let's get a move on, then. You two—" James pointed to Sirius and Remus "—bring back some dinner for us?"
Remus nodded. "No worries. Get a nice set, Prongs. Maybe one with some nice green pieces, then you can say you saw them and thought of her eyes . . ."
Sirius snorted with laughter, while James clapped his hand on Remus's shoulder. "Nice one, Moony. I'll wonder later about how you know so much yet never, ever date. Grab your robes, Wormtail!"
In a rush of robes and whispered plans, the two boys were gone, and an awkward silence fell over the dormitory.
"Er, well I guess we ought to go get some food, Pads. We'll want Prongs well-fed before he goes to humiliate himself on the sacrificial altar of True Love." The boy stood and started walking to the door.
"If he does, I'll blame you," Sirius muttered. "You encouraged him, making him think he's right about being in love!"
Remus paused. "I wasn't winding him up, spouting nonsense. I thought you'd know me better than that." He started towards the door again, this time in a more determined stride.
With a sigh, Sirius hurried to catch up, grabbing Remus's arm and spinning him around. "All right then, who is it? Who has given you this glorious insight into a lovelorn heart, yet remained a complete and utter mystery to your three best friends?"
He expected Remus to blush, drop his eyes, and quietly mutter the name of some bookish Ravenclaw who wore glasses and plaited pigtails. He steeled himself . . .
Instead, Remus stared right into Sirius's eyes and said, with complete confidence and without a trace of embarrassment, "You, you great, oblivious, loveless git. For some terrible reason, my freakish, Dark Creature's heart has given itself completely over to you, without once consulting my brain. I know I love you, because I think you're perfect, just like James thinks Lily is perfect. Realistically, we both know neither of you really are. But it doesn't matter. The only way either of you could be more perfect is if you loved us in return."
Remus took a breath. "But unlike James, I'm not one to make a fool of myself, to try to make you do that. I've long since resigned myself to unrequited love, and you won't break my heart." He smirked a bit as he echoed James's earlier dramatics.
"I'm going to the Great Hall now, and I don't want you to follow me. I'll bring food back for all of us. When I get back, if you're sitting on your own bed, I'll forget this little monologue ever took place. If you're sitting on my bed, we'll talk more."
And then he turned and headed out into the stairwell, leaving Sirius alone with his thoughts.
sequel > Best Laid Plans
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